Jul
21
2010
R-uprising vs Z-day
Author: BoompoetI am not an alarmist, extremist, or any other negativly charged title ending in “ist”. I do, however, tend to live life by that old adage, “Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and you’ll never be disappointed.” That being said, I would like to share a revelation I have come to that, quite frankly, bothers me. We’re ignoring the robot uprising and considering to much the implications of the zombie apocalypse.
That’s right, I said it… It’s out there now and you can’t unread it.
As a matter of time killing fun, my friends and I tend to consider Zombies. It’s a running joke, really, that we all have plans should the fateful day come when the dead rise to feast on our tasty, tasty brains. We’ve each agreed that if one of us is bitten by a member of the afore mentioned horde, we’ll quickly and painlessly end the suffering of the one who has been bitten. We know for a “fact” that North Dakota, Canada, or possibly northern Colorado in the mountains will be safe at least until a spring thaw. We have all of these plans for dealing with a world full of walking dead, but what about the robots?
We seem to have overlooked the monstrous metal behemoths that will come after us with their laser eyes, pinching claw hands, and a fear of kittens. We’ve forgotten about the pulse rifles they’ll inevitably use to overthrow our government and destroy our way of life. We’ve lost sight of the real and present threat… Robots. I have to admit, though… if they were amicable to the idea, I’d be a collaborator. Heck, many of my friends and colleagues already believe I am a machine of some kind. The honest probability is that they will not keep humans as pets or slaves… what would be the need? Worst case scenario would be that they completely cleans the world of the verminous infection that is the human race.
I’m not being silly here… I don’t mean alien robots. I’m talking terrestrial robots. I’d like to think that alien robots would have better taste and much more important things to do than to exterminate us. No, friends, I’m referring to the home grown terror that is the personal companion robot. We’ve started to build simple ones like “Robosapien” and even more advanced stimulants that are just plain creepy. We’ve got robot nurses that follow patients around with their medication. We’ve got robots that sweep out floors. We’ve even got cars that parallel park themselves, a skill some humans never master. Where will the madness end?
In conclusion, I want you all to remember, when planning for the wost… don’t neglect the robot invasion. Many of the same survival tactics you’ve considered for Z-day will apply to the R-uprising. Be ever vigilant.
Oh, one more thing…. the worst of all possible things is here.
