The Island Journal

I am not an alarmist, extremist, or any other negativly charged title ending in “ist”. I do, however, tend to live life by that old adage, “Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and you’ll never be disappointed.” That being said, I would like to share a revelation I have come to that, quite frankly, bothers me. We’re ignoring the robot uprising and considering to much the implications of the zombie apocalypse.

That’s right, I said it… It’s out there now and you can’t unread it.

As a matter of time killing fun, my friends and I tend to consider Zombies. It’s a running joke, really, that we all have plans should the fateful day come when the dead rise to feast on our tasty, tasty brains. We’ve each agreed that if one of us is bitten by a member of the afore mentioned horde, we’ll quickly and painlessly end the suffering of the one who has been bitten. We know for a “fact” that North Dakota, Canada, or possibly northern Colorado in the mountains will be safe at least until a spring thaw. We have all of these plans for dealing with a world full of walking dead, but what about the robots?

We seem to have overlooked the monstrous metal behemoths that will come after us with their laser eyes, pinching claw hands, and a fear of kittens. We’ve forgotten about the pulse rifles they’ll inevitably use to overthrow our government and destroy our way of life. We’ve lost sight of the real and present threat… Robots. I have to admit, though… if they were amicable to the idea, I’d be a collaborator. Heck, many of my friends and colleagues already believe I am a machine of some kind. The honest probability is that they will not keep humans as pets or slaves… what would be the need? Worst case scenario would be that they completely cleans the world of the verminous infection that is the human race.

I’m not being silly here… I don’t mean alien robots. I’m talking terrestrial robots. I’d like to think that alien robots would have better taste and much more important things to do than to exterminate us. No, friends, I’m referring to the home grown terror that is the personal companion robot. We’ve started to build simple ones like “Robosapien” and even more advanced stimulants that are just plain creepy. We’ve got robot nurses that follow patients around with their medication. We’ve got robots that sweep out floors. We’ve even got cars that parallel park themselves, a skill some humans never master. Where will the madness end?

In conclusion, I want you all to remember, when planning for the wost… don’t neglect the robot invasion. Many of the same survival tactics you’ve considered for Z-day will apply to the R-uprising. Be ever vigilant.

Oh, one more thing…. the worst of all possible things is here.

Tags: odd, opinion, robots, technology, zombies
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Ointments are a new interest of mine…. yes, ointments. Like for rashes and bug bites. I’ve decided to see how easy or difficult it might be to make some home remedies and try them out. So far, I’ve made a boric acid ointment that smells of lavender and I’ve made a citronella ointment that sadly does not keep the mosquito’s away. I think that one needs a little something extra.

Recipes are easier than I thought they’d be. A little bees’ wax, some carrier oil (vegetable, corn, or olive), and a few drops of essential oil to taste… or smell rather, and you’re in business. There is some fire involved and there’s some creativity in adding some additional medicinal ingredients, but for the most part, it’s just that simple.

People have made home remedies for centuries… well, since the first homes I would imagine. Folk healing practices are based on cause and effect, trial and error. The witches in Salem were usually only wise old women who knew some local herbs could cure a sore throat. They weren’t evil, just knowledgeable. Today we lack the simplest understanding of the medicinal benefit of the natural world… something I’m hoping my ointments will cure me of.

So far, I’ve only played with a few different recipes, but if you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me or comment. I’d love to hear them. I eventually hope to have a steam distillery set up so I can express my own essential oils… won’t that be fun?

Yeah… I’m a big ol’ dork. But I smell good.

Tags: beauty, culture, news, odd, opinion
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I have been having odd dreams since I’ve been back on the road. Honestly, I don’t usually remember my dreams, but recently I have had quite a few, two of which were decidedly disturbing. One included a former love trying to get me to hang a painting for her. She was always a much better artist than I (portraiture is her specialty) and though she wounded me deeply, she’s one of the few women who’ve done so that I don’t really hold a horrible grudge against. During the course of the dream, she and I were decorating her apartment and she was directing me as I perched on a step ladder that seemed a mile high trying to hang a delicate painting above a couch. I don’t know why this was so disconcerting aside from the fact that it was her (though I hold no animosity towards her) and I was up so high. I remember very clearly that once I was on the floor safely I felt I still loved her and she burst into tears professing her undying devotion. I woke up with a start and sat on the edge of the bed feeling drained and tired. Weird right?

The second dream was last night and featured an enemy I had not thought about in years prior to a few months ago when he ran into a friend of mine. I remember a dread from the dream that forced me into a mental corner. He was trying to apologize for past wrongs, though any time in the he’d ever tried to make reparations was a ploy to twist the knife so I figured he was trying to do the same thing in the dream. Once I felt he was sufficiently frightened off, I sat in the floor of my dream living room and thought about where I’d have to move to in order to avoid further contact with this person. He’s obsessive and a little unstable and I would be worried about my pets and the security of my home so obviously I’d have to move on after over a decade in the same home. There was another knock on the door and it was him again, “returning” a Rainbow vacuum cleaner I’d apparently loaned him back when we were in college which in real life, I’ve only known one Rainbow vacuum belonging to my mother and I would not loan it to anyone… especially this person. That’s when I woke up.

I know the mundane nature of the events of these dreams are not really what one would call “bizarre” but I found them deeply disturbing. My ex is now happily married and she has a child. She’s happy, though I have very little contact with her and only get facebook updates. My enemy, as far as I know, is still the same mooching miscreant looser he once was and is safely not in my life. The detail of these dreams and the feelings I had upon waking are what effected me most of all. She made me feel horribly alone and unwanted despite her comments, though I’m not alone and I have a great life with a close handful of people who love and care a great deal about me. He made me feel like a caged animal ready to kill which is not something I’d felt for quite some time and hoped not to feel again.

A friend told me the other day something about one of her ex-boyfriends and the finality of her comment struck me as uncharacteristic of her. She said “Exes are exes for a reason.” A truism if I’d ever heard one indeed. Ex-friends and ex-romantic relations are indeed out of your life for a reason, sometimes for the simple reason that you feel a certain way when around them and sometimes because you don’t feel secure with who you are at the time. My enemy brought out the worst possible aspects of who I was back when we were friends. My ex brought out both love and joy as well as fear and self loathing at the time and now she brings nothing substantial to the surface. What role would these people play in my life now? What does their presence in my dreams represent?

Time to bust out the dream dictionary.

Tags: dreams, odd, relationships
Posted in rant | 3 Comments »