The Island Journal

I have noticed on a myriad dating sited many women feel the need to apologize after making particular statements. “I’m a big beautiful woman and if you don’t like it, I’m sorry.” or “I hate sports and if you don’t like it, sorry.” or my personal favorite, “I don’t play games and if you do, then I’m sorry.” All of these apologies drive me nuts. It’s not a question of the apology it’s self getting on my nerves but the thought behind it. It’s snide and harsh and off-putting… regardless of other issues, who wants to date a woman like that?

I know why they make the comments and I know where they’re coming from. Most of the time it comes from a place of anger, disappointment, or defiance. These poor women have been passed over because of weight, their interests, their baggage, and so on so many times that they jump right in and flaunt the “short comings” that they have been rejected for. Some may think they’re getting things out in the open, doing the men a favor not false advertising. Other hope to weed out the guys who’ll have a problem with them. Still others are trying to show that they are “strong women” while in fact, it’s a show of weakness. There is a better way to do these things.

“I’m a big beautiful woman and if you don’t like it…” can be, “I’m curvy.” or “I’m full figured… I know some of you guys love a big woman.” These are true statements, not false advertising and without the ‘tude. “I hate sports and if you don’t like it…” can become something much more attractive and alluring like, “I’m not a sports fan, but I’m sure we can find some other common interests. ” See? It works. I don’t usually advocate using emotocons, but a winking smiley says a lot.

That actually brings me to my next point. What has happened to the American grasp of the english language. I was recently asked if I was British because of my appropriate use of grammar… the King’s English, if you will. I’m not even all that great at grammar. I misuse punctuation pretty regularly and God forbid I ever try typing a letter without spell check. The biggest turn-off for me is to read an ad that is full of “Lol” and “IDK”. I’m sick to death of abbreviations as they show a lack of imagination and fore thought. To put it plainly, when you fill your ad or an email with these things you come off sounding like a 12 year old or an idiot. Actually say what’s on your mind rather than abbreviating, nervously fidgeting with the language and crawling around with “net-speak”.

Now, a word on photos. Wow… breasts? Really? I’m not just talking about clevage one might see with a regular every day shirt but the down the shirt shots and the chin to waist pictures. I mean, they’re nice and all but should you really be putting them on the Internet for the whole world to see? It begs another question; What kind of man are you trying to attract? I think we all want to look our best and we all want others to think we’re attractive so we showcase our best features and try to accentuate those features. Just bare in mind that if people just want the wrapping, they’ll never appreciate what’s inside. The idea is that people will see an attractive picture and be drawn to the add. That’s valid. You don’t need a slutty down the shirt “Myspace” shot to make the point that you’re a beautiful woman.

Men are no better…Guys, put the abs away… they’ll be gone soon anyway and you’ll need a personality to fall back on. Sure, you’ll find a “hot chick” to “get with”, but if that’s all you’re looking for then you can pick up a hooker who’s going to be less expensive in the long run. Relationships cost time, money, and heartache and if you’re giving away free “tickets to the gun show”, it says something about your character and whether you can support a relationship monetarily and emotionally. Stop it. I’m serious. Your making the rest of us look like a bunch of over educated putzes.

Another issue I take with dudes is the blatantly crude emails some of us are sending to women. “Nice tits.” is not a pick up line, it’s an insult and more importantly, it’s an assault. I can see your point of view (whether or not I agree with it) that a woman showing certain body parts is “asking” for the attention, but they’re not asking to be assaulted. They’re not asking to be insulted. They’re just as lonely as you are and your attitude will not get them to respond unless they’re looking to be degraded. In that case, there are specific sites for that. Men should act like men and treat women with the respect they deserve.

Guys are putting to much emphasis on what they have, not who they are and it’s furthering the culture of apathy and greed in our country. Sure, women want to know you can support them no matter how archaic that sounds. Recent studies on OK Cupid and other sites that track info like this amongst their users have discovered that men who make more money get more hits. There’s a no-brainer. Was there ever a doubt? This is not to say that women on personals sites are gold diggers. All people, men and women alike, want to feel secure and in the world we live in, money is security. Men… don’t lie about how much you make. Your worth does not stem from your paycheck and good women will realize this. Not to say you shouldn’t get a good education and a good job, but it’s more important to be honest with your prospective partners than to pad the bottom line.

I got a little long with this one as I tend to do when annoyed. The sad thing is, I wouldn’t be able to post it on a site like O K Cupid because people don’t like being told… well, anything really. I’ve tried before and it’s not pretty. I know you, my faithful readership will take the info to heart and understand… it’s all opinion.

Tags: dating, opinion, relationships

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 27th, 2010 at 8:08 am and is filed under Informative, rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.