The Island Journal

I have noticed on a myriad dating sited many women feel the need to apologize after making particular statements. “I’m a big beautiful woman and if you don’t like it, I’m sorry.” or “I hate sports and if you don’t like it, sorry.” or my personal favorite, “I don’t play games and if you do, then I’m sorry.” All of these apologies drive me nuts. It’s not a question of the apology it’s self getting on my nerves but the thought behind it. It’s snide and harsh and off-putting… regardless of other issues, who wants to date a woman like that?

I know why they make the comments and I know where they’re coming from. Most of the time it comes from a place of anger, disappointment, or defiance. These poor women have been passed over because of weight, their interests, their baggage, and so on so many times that they jump right in and flaunt the “short comings” that they have been rejected for. Some may think they’re getting things out in the open, doing the men a favor not false advertising. Other hope to weed out the guys who’ll have a problem with them. Still others are trying to show that they are “strong women” while in fact, it’s a show of weakness. There is a better way to do these things.

“I’m a big beautiful woman and if you don’t like it…” can be, “I’m curvy.” or “I’m full figured… I know some of you guys love a big woman.” These are true statements, not false advertising and without the ‘tude. “I hate sports and if you don’t like it…” can become something much more attractive and alluring like, “I’m not a sports fan, but I’m sure we can find some other common interests. ” See? It works. I don’t usually advocate using emotocons, but a winking smiley says a lot.

That actually brings me to my next point. What has happened to the American grasp of the english language. I was recently asked if I was British because of my appropriate use of grammar… the King’s English, if you will. I’m not even all that great at grammar. I misuse punctuation pretty regularly and God forbid I ever try typing a letter without spell check. The biggest turn-off for me is to read an ad that is full of “Lol” and “IDK”. I’m sick to death of abbreviations as they show a lack of imagination and fore thought. To put it plainly, when you fill your ad or an email with these things you come off sounding like a 12 year old or an idiot. Actually say what’s on your mind rather than abbreviating, nervously fidgeting with the language and crawling around with “net-speak”.

Now, a word on photos. Wow… breasts? Really? I’m not just talking about clevage one might see with a regular every day shirt but the down the shirt shots and the chin to waist pictures. I mean, they’re nice and all but should you really be putting them on the Internet for the whole world to see? It begs another question; What kind of man are you trying to attract? I think we all want to look our best and we all want others to think we’re attractive so we showcase our best features and try to accentuate those features. Just bare in mind that if people just want the wrapping, they’ll never appreciate what’s inside. The idea is that people will see an attractive picture and be drawn to the add. That’s valid. You don’t need a slutty down the shirt “Myspace” shot to make the point that you’re a beautiful woman.

Men are no better…Guys, put the abs away… they’ll be gone soon anyway and you’ll need a personality to fall back on. Sure, you’ll find a “hot chick” to “get with”, but if that’s all you’re looking for then you can pick up a hooker who’s going to be less expensive in the long run. Relationships cost time, money, and heartache and if you’re giving away free “tickets to the gun show”, it says something about your character and whether you can support a relationship monetarily and emotionally. Stop it. I’m serious. Your making the rest of us look like a bunch of over educated putzes.

Another issue I take with dudes is the blatantly crude emails some of us are sending to women. “Nice tits.” is not a pick up line, it’s an insult and more importantly, it’s an assault. I can see your point of view (whether or not I agree with it) that a woman showing certain body parts is “asking” for the attention, but they’re not asking to be assaulted. They’re not asking to be insulted. They’re just as lonely as you are and your attitude will not get them to respond unless they’re looking to be degraded. In that case, there are specific sites for that. Men should act like men and treat women with the respect they deserve.

Guys are putting to much emphasis on what they have, not who they are and it’s furthering the culture of apathy and greed in our country. Sure, women want to know you can support them no matter how archaic that sounds. Recent studies on OK Cupid and other sites that track info like this amongst their users have discovered that men who make more money get more hits. There’s a no-brainer. Was there ever a doubt? This is not to say that women on personals sites are gold diggers. All people, men and women alike, want to feel secure and in the world we live in, money is security. Men… don’t lie about how much you make. Your worth does not stem from your paycheck and good women will realize this. Not to say you shouldn’t get a good education and a good job, but it’s more important to be honest with your prospective partners than to pad the bottom line.

I got a little long with this one as I tend to do when annoyed. The sad thing is, I wouldn’t be able to post it on a site like O K Cupid because people don’t like being told… well, anything really. I’ve tried before and it’s not pretty. I know you, my faithful readership will take the info to heart and understand… it’s all opinion.

Tags: dating, opinion, relationships
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I am not an alarmist, extremist, or any other negativly charged title ending in “ist”. I do, however, tend to live life by that old adage, “Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and you’ll never be disappointed.” That being said, I would like to share a revelation I have come to that, quite frankly, bothers me. We’re ignoring the robot uprising and considering to much the implications of the zombie apocalypse.

That’s right, I said it… It’s out there now and you can’t unread it.

As a matter of time killing fun, my friends and I tend to consider Zombies. It’s a running joke, really, that we all have plans should the fateful day come when the dead rise to feast on our tasty, tasty brains. We’ve each agreed that if one of us is bitten by a member of the afore mentioned horde, we’ll quickly and painlessly end the suffering of the one who has been bitten. We know for a “fact” that North Dakota, Canada, or possibly northern Colorado in the mountains will be safe at least until a spring thaw. We have all of these plans for dealing with a world full of walking dead, but what about the robots?

We seem to have overlooked the monstrous metal behemoths that will come after us with their laser eyes, pinching claw hands, and a fear of kittens. We’ve forgotten about the pulse rifles they’ll inevitably use to overthrow our government and destroy our way of life. We’ve lost sight of the real and present threat… Robots. I have to admit, though… if they were amicable to the idea, I’d be a collaborator. Heck, many of my friends and colleagues already believe I am a machine of some kind. The honest probability is that they will not keep humans as pets or slaves… what would be the need? Worst case scenario would be that they completely cleans the world of the verminous infection that is the human race.

I’m not being silly here… I don’t mean alien robots. I’m talking terrestrial robots. I’d like to think that alien robots would have better taste and much more important things to do than to exterminate us. No, friends, I’m referring to the home grown terror that is the personal companion robot. We’ve started to build simple ones like “Robosapien” and even more advanced stimulants that are just plain creepy. We’ve got robot nurses that follow patients around with their medication. We’ve got robots that sweep out floors. We’ve even got cars that parallel park themselves, a skill some humans never master. Where will the madness end?

In conclusion, I want you all to remember, when planning for the wost… don’t neglect the robot invasion. Many of the same survival tactics you’ve considered for Z-day will apply to the R-uprising. Be ever vigilant.

Oh, one more thing…. the worst of all possible things is here.

Tags: odd, opinion, robots, technology, zombies
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Ointments are a new interest of mine…. yes, ointments. Like for rashes and bug bites. I’ve decided to see how easy or difficult it might be to make some home remedies and try them out. So far, I’ve made a boric acid ointment that smells of lavender and I’ve made a citronella ointment that sadly does not keep the mosquito’s away. I think that one needs a little something extra.

Recipes are easier than I thought they’d be. A little bees’ wax, some carrier oil (vegetable, corn, or olive), and a few drops of essential oil to taste… or smell rather, and you’re in business. There is some fire involved and there’s some creativity in adding some additional medicinal ingredients, but for the most part, it’s just that simple.

People have made home remedies for centuries… well, since the first homes I would imagine. Folk healing practices are based on cause and effect, trial and error. The witches in Salem were usually only wise old women who knew some local herbs could cure a sore throat. They weren’t evil, just knowledgeable. Today we lack the simplest understanding of the medicinal benefit of the natural world… something I’m hoping my ointments will cure me of.

So far, I’ve only played with a few different recipes, but if you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me or comment. I’d love to hear them. I eventually hope to have a steam distillery set up so I can express my own essential oils… won’t that be fun?

Yeah… I’m a big ol’ dork. But I smell good.

Tags: beauty, culture, news, odd, opinion
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